Yesterday, I was reminded of the power of forgiveness. One friend extended an apology to another, who whole-heartedly accepted it. The best part of the act was when my friend said, “It is now forgotten.” The statement touched my soul. Realizing that the act of forgiveness heals both parties, I began to wonder how many people have I hurt and never reached out to with an apology and how many apologies have I rebuffed? Too many. I looked inward and asked myself: why? Perhaps because I’ve never forgiven myself?
After being diagnosed with lupus in 1999, my world changed. Every decision I made revolved around the disease. In the beginning, I fought the good fight until I collapsed. Then I gave up fighting at all. All of my actions were beyond cautious and they stifled me. I refused to take even the tiniest risk. I realized I was still angry with myself because of those choices and the internal pain those decisions caused me. In order to let go of that anger and regret, I needed to forgive myself.
I did it formally by saying, “I apologize for giving up and giving in. I am sorry for wasting years of my life by not fighting. It’s time for me to let go of the past, to move on, to look forward to the future, its realm of endless possibilities.”
Over a year ago, I took a huge leap of faith and even though my health was bad I was determined. I had to prove to myself that I could do it, and I did. I can’t change anything I did before, only what lies ahead. Today, when I make a decision, I don’t put lupus first, because it is only one part of my life. This disease is no longer in control; I am. My new life is running a nonprofit, being a health advocate, blog writer, and supporting people with lupus. Am I up to these challenges? Am I ready to forgive, forget, and to be forgiven? Oh yeah.
Mission Accomplished: Letting Go, Practicing Forgiveness, Accept Apologies, Moving Forward, and Continue to spread lupus awareness
This is beautiful! You made me shed tears. You're strong and positive. You can do anything you put your mind and energy toward!
Posted by: Shalonda Garcia | 04/14/2012 at 02:57 PM